Hi, this will be all about my personal life based on my recent experiences and by I mean recent is anything happened from the past 1 to 1.5 years back.
So basically I just graduated back in mid 2014 from a university in Jogja, Indonesia but the story began way before that exact time. Back in my 7th semester, I did my internship and during that time my parents asked some questions regarding my next move after I graduate. At that time I was still learning magic, quite extensively if I may say, since I was hoping to be one professional magician and aiming to have my own show or whatever, but that’s my ultimate aim and dream. Being a conventional parents they are, I was forbidden to do that. Imagine that, I wasn’t allowed to achieve my own dream since I might walk in the path of uncertainty in the future if I walk on that path. Moving forward and being an obedient child, I followed their command with meaningless fight because their commands are absolute, for me. I don’t know why but it happened like some X-Men trying to push Sentinels back in X-Men : Days of Future Past movie.
Long story short, I graduated…
After I graduated, I had no clue about what I was going to do next. Next step that would decide my fate on my own life. Whether I would screw this up or not, nobody knows. My parents suggested me to pursue higher degree, which is totally rejected by ME. I don’t know what’s gotten to my parents but if they really know me deep inside, they wouldn’t have to offer that option. The truth is I don’t like studying. I like learning, practicing, training, but not studying, yet my parents came with such option for me. They said it’s for my own future, to get a marvelous job with promising salary. Yes, I cannot agree more on their reason but not the way to get it. I tried to give my best arguments yet it was like shooting bullets at Capt. America’s mighty shield. All deflected. All useless, until this very day I’m writing this post.
Yep, it’s not an easy decision to step forward, at least for me, since I was trapped in this kind of situation. Back in my university I was taught about the term ‘deadlock’. In simple, it’s like there’re 3 entities A-B-C and there’s a condition where A locks B that locks C that locks A. So it’s like a freakin’ locked triangle and I’m right inside that triangle. Above anything, I can always be a rebellious son by disobeying my parents but that wouldn’t end great, so I don’t. That means I need to pursue higher degree and put my hobbies just for ‘fun’ and side activities, which is the exact opposite of my dream.
Few days ago my father told me (not the exact words but essentially it’s like this), ‘Everybody has ego, but your ego might be wrong and other people’s opinion might be the best for you.’ Yeah, I think so, but that means that I need to ‘sacrifice’ myself for anything and any ways that I’ve ever wanted to walk on for a specially-smithed way. So that’s it, I want to follow my EGO (don’t want to pursue any more friggin’ degree, but I have to and seems like there’re no other ways), in REALITY is that I can’t just walk in uncertain path for my future, and my FAMILY are the ones that I want to make to be proud of me 100%, so I just can’t abandon them and merely follow my own POV selfishly.
I think I just need to carry on, keep going, and let the time answer…